She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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