was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
