Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
