I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
