i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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