I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
