My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
