I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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