everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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