Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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