ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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