I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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