I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
