No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
