he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
