Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
