I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
