Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He has the fingertips of a God
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