dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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