If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
