I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
