Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
