No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
