She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
