just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
