PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Michael Bay diarrhea
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
