its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
