Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
