If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
