And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
