We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
