dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
