i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
either way he was missing a nipple.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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