you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
