please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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