I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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