You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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