i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
