I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
