Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
