Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
