You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
