so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
