I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
