So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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