Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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