you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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