I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
