he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
