I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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