there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
