The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
