Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
