Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
